These Phrases given by My Father That Rescued Me when I became a New Father

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of being a father.

But the actual experience rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You are not in a good place. You must get support. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on mothers and about PND, less is said about the difficulties fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a wider inability to talk among men, who often absorb harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a show of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a respite - going on a few days away, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "terrible actions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, transformed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."